Angel anniversary

One year ago, we said good-bye. One year ago, we faced a reality that we weren't ready to face. A reality we would never have been ready to face. And today, we look back on the year and realize just how hard it was. How hard it still is. And how much has changed.

It's hard to believe that you would almost be 5 months old. What would you look like? What would your favorite toy be? What would make you smile? I just can't imagine. Partly because I really don't know, but mostly because it hurts too much to think about it for too long. So I've chosen, today being the exception, to not imagine those things. "What might have been" is too powerful a game to play.

We fought so hard for you, baby, so very hard. But in the end, you just weren't meant to stay. You were too perfect for this place, too beautiful and you belonged among the angels. I won't ever profess to know why, because I simply do not understand why we were blessed with you only to have the end come far too soon. But I do know this: you are loved. Beyond measure. We never got to see your face, or hold you in our arms, and we'll never get to watch you grow up and discover the person you would have been, the person you were meant to be, but you will forever be our little twinkie.

True, I find myself feeling sad today but it's not all about sorrow. There is joy, too. I feel blessed to have been given the gift of feeling life growing from within, if even for just a short while. My body began to change and with it, I changed. We changed. Even though you are not here with us today, little one, you left a lasting impression on our hearts. We love you, for always.

"Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart." -- Winnie the Pooh