Sometimes, it's all I can do to keep my positive attitude about where we are in this journey, keep my focus on the present and not get caught up in the unknown of the future. The more time that passes, the more children are born, and my Facebook and Instagram feeds are filled to the brim with the shiny, happy, beautiful faces of the children of our family and friends. Sometimes, it's all I can do to just keep it all in and keep it together. Other times, I'm doing pretty well and I find myself truthfully, blissfully content with how our life is now, the predictability and reliability of daily routines, the closeness that we share. But these moments of weakness sneak up on me, they get me down, and they seem harder and harder to shake off as time marches on. We've been yearning for our family for over six years now, dreaming about it for even longer if you count the years before we started trying. In total, since we made the decision to start trying to build our family way back in February of 2008, we have been on this road to baby for 74 months. Wow, that number even blows ME away, and I've been living it. The baby we lost in November of 2011 would turn two next month. Two whole years old. How I ache for that child, our child.
This is our life and what we've been dealt is what is meant for us. We may not always see why or agree, but that's the way it is.
There is an incredible future waiting for us. I need to trust in that. On the days when I doubt it, that's when I need to believe it the most. Besides, I am more than just my uterus.
So, here's to unknown futures and the belief that something incredible -- something miraculous -- could be just a year, a month, a week, a day, a mere moment away.
Thank you for this post. I needed to read that just as much as you needed to write it for yourself.
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