Another Duggar Baby

I don't read "trash" magazines (well, maybe I do if I'm getting my hair done and there is one lying about) and I don't watch reality TV shows (although I did used to watch The Kardashians a few years ago when we had cable...guilty pleasure!). But I do check People.com every day. I call it, "checking on my People." It's not hurting anyone and I don't comment on the articles because the comment sections are such a cesspool of criticism and negativity, it's disgusting. So I checked in on my People yesterday and their top story? Jill Dillard (Duggar) is already pregnant. They got married in mid-June of this year and they're expecting baby #1 in March 2015.

First of all, this should come as no surprise to anyone. The Duggar family is part of the Quiverfull movement (for more information, read the Wikipedia description here) which, among many other things, means they do not believe in the use of birth control. When people get married (and most oftentimes, before), they have sex. It's part of the arrangement. For most, anyway. And if you're not using birth control, guess what? Pregnancy can {and oftentimes does} occur. In addition, their immediate family has not shown (thus far) any signs of genetically linked infertility issues, so while it is statistically likely that one of the Duggar children may have issues conceiving, it has apparently not been an issue for the two married offspring of Michelle and Jim Bob. {Yes, I used to watch the TLC specials on TV every once in awhile years ago so I do in fact know some of their names.} Anyway, the fact that Jill got pregnant so soon after marriage does not surprise me in the slightest, and I subscribe to the belief that it is not my place, nor my business, to judge how other people choose to live their lives. Readers were commenting on their choice to not live together longer first, commenting about how horrible it will be to not have the opportunity to spend more time together as a couple before introducing children in to the mix, making remarks about how they are doing themselves a disservice by not traveling more, working longer, acquiring more life experience first, etc. Again, not my life, not my choice. Also, how can we possibly make commentary on other people's lives? We're not them, we don't get to make decisions for others, and hey, WE DON'T EVEN KNOW THEM. Whether or not you would choose to do as they did, or would choose to believe what they believe, the bottom line is this: they wanted a baby, they seem very excited, they seem exceptionally and uniquely prepared to handle life with a newborn seeing as though Jill has many siblings and helped raise many of the younger ones herself in many ways. They say they're financially secure, and they're married, so it's not like they had a child "out of wedlock" which really, not what I would have liked to have happened to me, but again, not my life, not my choice, and not the case here. {Because you know people get all crazy about that too, so really, you can't win.}Their life, their marriage, their family.

The only thing that caught me off guard was how easy it was for them to conceive. The idea that they were able to conceive a child within a matter of days blows me away. Because, obviously, it is so the opposite of what our experience has been. Am I angry? No, I don't even know these people and in my opinion, a child is a blessing. Do I envy the Duggar's their ability to have children with apparent ease? Sometimes. But I also know that the grass isn't always greener and everyone has their issues. But do I wish it had been as easy for us once we decided to build our family? Yes and no.

Surprised? Yea, I have to admit that I am a bit, too.

Here's why I say yes but also why I say no:

Yes, because it's been a hellish nightmare and the level of heartache we've experienced is truly beyond words. Yes, because if it had been so easy, I would likely have more than one child referring to me as "Mom", one of the most beautiful and referred words in our language. Yes, because I sometimes fear that it will never, ever happen for us, that our dreams of a biological child are beyond reach, and that our hopes for a family will be dashed by the expense of adoption or surrogacy, that my medical issues will deter any family or agency from seeing me as a fit and capable parent. Yes, because my soul longs to be a mom, longs and yearns to be a parent, a visceral, deep-seeded calling that I cannot name or control. Yes, because I cannot wait to see my beloved become a father, see him interact with and love our children as I know he will, and parent alongside him as the unstoppable team we've become in our 15 years together. But also, no. Because as hard as the struggle has been, as much as I wish it had never been a part of our story, for better or for worse it is a part of US. It has helped shape me into the person I am, and has had a hand in shaping who we are as a couple. We're strong. We're solid. Our shared experiences, good and bad, have made us that way. So no. I wouldn't turn it all in for a "better" outcome. Because truthfully, a small part of me is thankful. I'm a better version of myself because of what I've/we've encountered and because of what I've/we've overcome. We don't always get to choose what happens to us. All we have control over is how we choose to react to what happens to us.

Believe me, this is a relatively new revelation. I didn't always feel this way. It has taken years and much heartache to reach this point. But I'm glad I have. So very, very glad.

I hope Jill Dillard's pregnancy is a healthy one. I hope she and her husband enjoy a long and happy marriage, and that if they wish, they are blessed with many children. And I fervently hope that one day, we'll be able to share the joyous news with our family and friends that at long last, our family of two will soon be growing by two precious baby feet. In the meantime, though, it won't do me any good to stew and wax poetic about the ease with which other people seem to get pregnant. Comparison is the thief of joy and all that, right? I've come to really believe that and it's not worth it. I choose joy.