My father-in-law would love to see me pursue an advanced degree once Jason graduates with his doctorate this coming May. In fact, he's counting on it. But what he fails to see is that what works for one person may not for another. I have no desire to pursue my Master's. It would be an immense waste of time, money, and energy. For me. For Jason, his Master's was a gateway to what he ultimately wanted to become: a professor of music. And he will achieve that goal in just three short months after five laborious years. But his passion for the subject, and his own drive to achieve his ultimate goal pushed him ever onward. You need that when you're reaching for those stars. As for me, I am happy with my Bachelors. If I wanted to get a Master's in creative writing, I would first of all need to have a desire to either teach writing or write professionally...I would love to write children's books and have a memoir-type book in the works related to heart health but I'm not going to be an Author. Author with a capitol 'A'. At least not at this stage of my life. Secondly, if I didn't want to teach writing or write professionally, I would need to switch gears entirely and opt for something else in a related field of study.
When my father-in-law first mentioned his want for me to go to grad school a few years ago, I approached the idea with trepidation but I was still young-ish and thought, "Well, maybe by some miracle the fertility treatments will work and we'll have a little one soon and when they're in pre-school perhaps I'll be ready." So I dug around a bit and found that I had some interest in a Master's in Children's Literature. But then we had our miscarriage. And then and then and then. Fast forward four years and we're still without child and we have a mountain of debt because Jason has spent the last five years pursuing his doctorate which has meant we've had to make due on my very meager income. All of which my father-in-law fails to consider, because just last month he mentioned grad school to me again. "Once Jason graduates, it'll be your turn." Despite the fact that I have repeatedly told him, very kindly -- a few times kindly and firmly -- that I really have no interest. We really don't have the money. I really don't want to get my Master's. Really, I don't. And yet, I feel guilty. Because sometimes I feel like I should want more. And once upon a time, I did want more. I look around and so many of my friends have advanced degrees or licenses {and children} and then there's me.
But my priorities have shifted and I have my reasons.
My biggest reason? I just want to be a mom. And for us, that means money. For us, that means taking any "extra" we have and putting it towards IVF or surrogacy or adoption. I'm turning 31 one week from today. I no longer have the luxury of time that even our fertility doctors felt compelled to tell us I had because I'm not 24 anymore. We started this journey six years ago and we are no closer today than we were then.
Motherhood. That's my dream. That's what I want. Parenthood. That's our dream. That's what WE want. So once we're back to a double income, that's what our money will be put towards. It's time.
Is that so terrible?
I think it's the most perfect plan I've ever heard of! WE WILL BE MOTHERS ONE DAY AND THAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING! You two do what makes you happy. Master's are usually a waste of time anyway. I have mine because I'm a teacher and didn't want to take classes just to keep my certification but if it wasn't for that I wouldn't have done it either.
ReplyDeleteOh, my friend, of course it's not terrible! I feel the same way about grad school, and have the same sort of guilt over it. But you have come so far and have been challenged so much, and it's time you get what you want. Seriously. If it upsets him, then so be it! ((hugs!))
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