What do you put as a title for a post like this?
Although the procedure itself went ok this morning, I found out some really hard news. I need open heart surgery. I will be put on a bypass and they'll stop my heart so they can remove scar tissue that is building up on the right side of my heart and blocking blood flow to a main valve. The VSD that I've had since birth has apparently closed, but the damage it did to my heart needs to be surgically removed. The doctor at UCLA said it was actually a blessing I haven't gotten pregnant so far, because the extra stress put on the heart caused by pregnancy could have given me a heart attack or stroke.
Seeing as though I'm crying as I'm typing this post, I'd say I'm not handling it well at all. I will be off of work for 6-8 weeks and the surgery will be taking place at the end of this month or the beginning of next, depending on the surgeon's availability. I am absolutely terrified, to the point where I simply cannot put my terror into words.
I don't know what else to say.
Meliss, I read your e-mail and burst into tears. It does not seem fair for you, my friend, to have to go through so much. I am thinking about you and praying for you everyday. I know it is hard and that it is impossible to see the end to this nightmare, let alone a reason for it, but I have hope that there will be one. I am so glad we have had each other through these months, and I know that this is something beyond anything you expected from this ordeal, but just know you can talk to me anytime you need to.
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