Help me help you

Today is day three of my cycle. I had an ultrasound today to see how my uterus is looking, to check for any residual cysts and to get my blood work done before starting up clomid again. Everything checked out ok so I am starting clomid tonight with dinner. Watch out, here come the hormone induced headaches and mood swings.

We made a BIG decision today. We have decided, after talking with the Dr. and with the ultrasound tech, that we would like to try IUI this cycle. IUI stands for Intrauterine Insemination. A big PLUS is that it by-passes a lot of the little, important steps needed to get from point A to B, steps that ultimately determine if conception is going to take place or not. The thought now is that I have what is known as a "hostile environment" and the sperm are not surviving long enough to get to the egg. So, the IUI will place the sperm directly in the path of the egg during ovulation so as to bombard the egg on it's way down the fallopian tube. The sperm doesn't have to do any work to get there. They take the sperm sample, spin/wash it in a lab and save the best swimmers for the insemination. Jason's sperm count is above average and the motility of his "swimmers" is 85% which is also above average so we are set in that department...it's just getting the sperm to the egg, and that's where the IUI will help us out.

Before settling on this decision definitively, I wanted to find out how expensive the procedure would be, because I had heard it was pricey. I was wrong and I am soooo very glad. The entire procedure, including insemination, sperm wash, and ultrasounds leading up to the procedure comes to around $1000. I had heard it was 5x as expensive so I was very pleased and very relieved. Of course, there is no guarantee that this will work and it may take more than one time, but it's another step in the right direction for us and it has renewed and restored my hope. I feel encouraged again.

This whole experience has been such a rollercoaster. I am trying to work myself up to being cautiously optimistic because I don't want to put all of my eggs in one basket, so to speak and no pun intended. It will be more devastating if it doesn't work this time because of the extra expense but also because we're now putting our faith in science and hoping that the newer technology can make our dreams come true. If it doesn't work out, we're out $1000 and still without a baby.

This was a big decision for me. Jason was keen on the idea sooner than me, because I think it's become increasingly difficult for him to watch me go through these cycles and how crushed I am with each failed attempt. I had wanted to avoid these procedures as long as possible because I was afraid of feeling like a science project or lab rat. I had wanted to conceive our baby "naturally" with love and not with money and technology but I've started to really turn my thought process around. How lucky are we that we live in an age where this is actually possible? When my parents were struggling to have me, it took them 7 long years because they didn't have the same options as we do. And, this baby will be so very loved and it won't matter how it was conceived. What will matter is how much we love our child and how much we love each other. Our faith in our relationship and our faith that this will all work out one way or another is what matters. How we get there is irrelevent.

So, with a little help from above, a little push from technology and some spending green, mixed in with lots of prayers and positive thoughts and energy, we hope to make this current cycle THE cycle. The saying, "It takes a village to raise a child," can be changed to fit our circumstance. For us, "it takes a village to MAKE a child." Thank you for being a part of our village.