So what shouldn't I have done, you ask? I consulted a medium. There is a blog that I follow written by two women who claim to be able to predict when women will get pregnant, the gender, etc etc. They advertised a sale on their blog {$5 for a conception reading} in celebration of recent correct BFP's. I couldn't resist - $5 is a drop in the hat, right? I have always been intrigued by mediums/physics and thought, what the heck? She asked for my first name, my hubby's first name, my date of birth and if I had ever had any miscarriages --- that was all she was supplied. I don't know what I was expecting exactly, but it was just something fun to do I guess. The outcome?
1) She felt like we had been together a long time, were soul mates, and had known right away that we wanted children. {good so far...}
2) She guessed that we had been trying to conceive for 6 months {even though we've been trying all together for much longer, I thought it was interesting since this time around with our new RE, it has been 6 months}
3) She feels like we'll conceive without too much medical intervention {here's to hoping} and that my main issue is ovulation {which is true}
4) She feels like we'll find out we're pregnant December 2011, and her estimated due date is July 28, 2012. It will be a boy, just over 7 pounds, full term, born naturally.
5) She feels like we'll have another child, another boy, in 2014.
Here's the thing: there is 6 more cycles between now and December, 5 if you figure we'd conceive in November to find out in December. FIVE more cycles. So if she's right, that means we will fail 4 more times --- a waste of emotional upheaval, money, effort and time. And I've now started thinking, "why even bother?" Why not just take a break until November? But then again, 1) she could be dead wrong and 2) oftentimes it's not the destination but the journey. Maybe what we will go through from here until November is key to getting a BFP. I don't know - I guess I wouldn't think too much about it and just pass it off as fun if I hadn't been told December 2011 by a reputable medium I saw in 2009. He told me LOTS of spot on things, without having anything but my name to go on: things about my family, things about my future that I didn't understand at the time but have since come to fruition. He did not know about my infertility but when I asked him when I would have a child, he said he saw me pregnant two years from 2009 in December {which would be December 2011} but that I had some things to work on with myself first. I didn't understand it then, was actually very confused {I was happily married, had a great job, genuinely in a good place} but as it turned out, 8 months later I found out that I needed open heart surgery. He was so right it was scary. What are the odds that two different mediums would pick the same date? Gives me the willies just thinking about it...
On one hand, if it's true, then I'll be the happiest little lady come December. But what if December comes and goes without any success? What then? I really shouldn't have done the reading. :/
When I was deep in doing medciated cycles trying to get Baby Bean, I also consulted some Mediums. I worked with one, and the other is a very good friend of my dad. They both told me (on separate occasions; they never met) that I would eventually have at least one little girl. My dad's friend had no idea we had been doing treatments or were even trying, but he told my dad that my husband and I would have a hard time getting pregnant, but that it would happen. There was so much said between the two of them that was so right on it was scary. So I can completely relate to this post in so many ways, right down to the second-guessing yourself and your potential decisions until December.
ReplyDeleteThe way I always see things is that I am doing the best I can right now, in the moment, with the information I have and the feelings in my heart. I am doing what I am supposed to do, and things will turn out the way they are supposed to. I can't ever just give up. I have to do my part to make it happen. So even though you have been told December 2011, like you said, you have to be on the journey. You might find something in your treatments between now and then that finds something that needs to be fixed or done differently to make the December pregnancy happen. And if December comes around and there is no pregnancy, be bummed for a bit, but don't give up.
Thank you for your thoughtful response, Chelle. I know that you're right, but I also know that I'm going to have a hard time getting through these next few months. All of the work that goes in to these medicated cycles, the timed "business", and to think that it might fail now until November is really stamping on whatever fragments of hope I was holding on to. I feel less hopeful for these next few months than I ever have --- like it's just not going to work and now we know, so there's no point in hoping or wishing for anything until this Fall. I just shouldn't have done it, plain and simple. I should have known myself better than to let my curiosity get the best of me, because I knew I'd take it further than "just for fun." But, I also have to believe that it IS about the journey, not the destination, and if we stop now, if she's right it may not come true because we may miss something important over these few months of trying. So thank you for the support, Chelle, I appreciate it!!
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