This is killin' me

Today is cycle day 29. My last cycle was 31 days long, so I have to wait until at least day 32 to test. I have symptoms. I honestly do. And yet, I feel like my period is coming. Like it's RIGHT around the corner, about to rear it's ugly head any second. I've been running to the bathroom to check every so often, driving myself nuts like I tend to do, but I can't help it.

The nurse from the doctor's office called this morning to give me my progesterone level...thanks, a bit late, but thanks. The good news is that she clarified two things for me:

1) Progesterone levels above 9 are indicative of an ovulatory cycle. With meds, they like to see numbers above 15. Mine was 16. Apparently, the numbers really don't matter {other than the over 9 thing} but really just show that my body is prepared to support a pregnancy, should that take place. So that's good.

2) They only count ovulatory cycles so the one cycle when I didn't ovulate doesn't count amongst our five "at home" tries. So if this one doesn't take, we still have two more at home before moving on to IUI. Whew.

She also said they were happy with the levels I've been showing these last two months so we'll stay on the 3.75mg dosage the next two times, if needed. Oh, and she reminded me to take a home pregnancy test if my period doesn't come. Again, thanks. I'm not new to this game.

I'm going crazy here, folks. I can't take this waiting stuff. On the other hand, I'm dreading having to test. I HATE testing. I've always gotten negatives and it's always heart breaking so I just dread peeing on that damn stick. I also hate testing because when I get a negative I have to tell everyone who knows we're trying that this month isn't THE month, again. It makes me feel like such a loser, like why can't this just work? When will it be our turn? It's embarrassing, depressing, and I feel like absolute crap when I don't have good news to share. Not to mention how devastated Jason and I are when my period comes instead of seeing a + on that stick. Please keep those prayers coming...one of these months, it just has to pay off.