Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Love Personified

As an infertile married woman, I give love, marriage, children, a lot of thought. I think about those three topics quite a bit and for some time now, as I watch my friends and family members get married, get pregnant and then give birth, I have been trying to put in to words why having a family is just so important to me. I can say until I'm blue in the face that I want kids, that I deeply desire to turn our family of two into a family of three or four, or maybe, one day, a family of five. I can say that I want to make my husband a father, that I want to make myself a mother. But why? Why is having kids so important? Because a child is love personified. It's taking 'you' and 'me' and making it 'we'. It's taking a word like 'love' and giving it a soul.

My husband and I have been a couple for 12 years. We will be married 5 years in August. We have grown up together and are truly each other's best friend. We know each other inside and out, often finish each other's sentences, and know what the other is thinking without even trying. It hurts to not be able to give my husband a baby, to make him a daddy, because the best way I can think of to say, "I love you" is with a child. A child who is a product of our love - love, that special four-letter word that we felt such butterflies saying to each other for the first time nearly 11 years ago, that we say to each other several times a day, that we vow to do for the rest of our lives. Love, honor and cherish, from this day forward.

You and me and a baby makes three --- a baby who is us, who is we, and that {you, me, baby or babies} is everything we'll ever need.
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5 comments:

  1. TiffanyJune 22, 2011 at 5:25 PM

    This was just so touching.

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  2. ChelleJune 22, 2011 at 5:33 PM

    I remember feeling this way when we were trying to get our first baby. The feeling never goes away. You will always want to give your husband more children because you love him and because those children are a product of your love. Even after you have one, you will want to create more babies with him. I hope and pray that one day soon you turn your family of two into three.

    I also wanted to thank you for your comment on my last post. It literally made me cry. It also made me feel better. It helped me to know that even if I don't have any more children, my daughter will always know that the reason she didn't have siblings wasn't from a lack of trying on my part.

    I pray that God answers your prayers and mine soon.

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  3. AnonymousJune 22, 2011 at 5:35 PM

    This is teacher....for some reason I can only post anonymous. I have felt that way so many times. Thinking of why this is so important and trying to think of all the good things of staying childless but in the end there is nothing like creating a family with the one you love. The desire is so strong you can't shake it and I know if we ignore that the desire will stay with me my entire life. Something I know I will regret.

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  4. AnonymousJune 22, 2011 at 6:02 PM

    Thank you for capturing my sentiments so beautifully and reaffirming how I feel as "normal." I pray that some day your love will become flesh! ~Michelle

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  5. Justine LJune 22, 2011 at 6:38 PM

    So beautiful ...

    And love takes on a life of its own, too ... becomes an independent, living, breathing thing that you can't control. The metaphor is really quite apt.

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