A new year, a new hope

Hope. It's a loaded word. It's a word I have struggled with over the last few years, but it's also a word that I cling to in the dark times, that I force myself to believe in because if I don't, all is lost. A new year means new beginnings, new possibilities, renewed energy that comes with the hope of positive change. Maybe this will be our year. 2008 wasn't, 2009 certainly wasn't, neither was 2010. 2011 almost was, but we didn't quite make it this year, either. So maybe 2012. And why not? Why shouldn't it be our year? Jason is hoping to begin a doctoral program in the Fall, which means we'll be moving out of state. Already, that plan is the definition of a fresh start: new state, new home, new school, new jobs, new people, new surroundings, new everything.

All of the new in that scenario scares the bejeezus out of me, but it's also quite exciting. We have never lived out of state. We have never lived so far away from our families {which is the only non-exciting thing about the move}. But it will be an adventure, and perhaps an adventure is just what we need. Maybe 2012 will be the year we turn the page and begin a new chapter. It feels like it will be.

Today is CD17, and I think, if I had to guess, I am ovulating. I didn't do a predictor kit. I didn't want to be tempted to break the doctor's orders to not try for 3 whole cycles. If I found out I was ovulating, I know I would want to try, and we can't. Not yet. But, that time is coming. CD1 of my next cycle, I will call the clinic and let them know, and I will start my femara again. We will do an IUI in January. And maybe, just maybe, luck will be on our side and 2012 will begin with the greatest of joys.

Here's to hoping...