More of the same + a lunchtime epiphany

No period yet. Today is CD36. If you're wondering how upset I am about it, the answer is very. I even took a pg test, just in case, and of course, it was negative. I am so over this crap. I slept very poorly last night: woke up sweating, weird dreams, and was hot all night, so I'm guessing it's close to arriving, but it's definitely taking it's sweet time. I've been spotting off and on since Friday but it has yet to "commit" to even a trickle. I'm giving it until Wednesday, and then I'm calling the doctor to get a progesterone prescription.

Oh, and Jason will be auditioning (hopefully) for schools for his doctoral program throughout February, March and April and no, we don't know when yet, so that's another fun hurdle. If this show doesn't get on the road soon, we may not be doing our IUI this month, and if he's gone when I need him to be here next month, we've lost February, too. Not a happy camper, not by a long shot.

**Update**
Called the doctor this morning during my break and was told they would like me to wait it out until Friday (CD40) and then if my period is still MIA, they'll write me a prescription for progesterone to get things moving along. So basically, this is the breakdown: if it comes any time between Jan. 20 & Jan. 25, and if Jason is away the weekend of Feb. 4 for an audition, we won't be able to do an IUI. It's that simple.

I had a mini break down in the car today during lunch and came to this conclusion: I simply cannot control this process. Not one thing about it is in my control. That being said, I need to let some of it (the anxiety, the anger, the sadness) go. I need to, or I will go crazy. I need to remember that I am doing all that I can, and all that I can is the very best I can do, no more, no less. I need to cut myself some slack and not beat myself up over something I have zero control over. If my period is still MIA by Friday, I will get my prescription but not take it until after Jan. 25. If it comes on it's own before then, so be it. If that's the case, this month wasn't meant to be. I have to let it go.