Birthday Blessings from Heaven

My grandpa and me on his 73rd birthday

Today would have been my grandpa Vern's 98th birthday. He went to Heaven nine years ago next month. I'm having a hard time with his birthday this year, probably because my hormones are on over drive but also because my only remaining grandparent, my grandma Shirley, is not doing so well. She lost her husband, my grandpa Harry, almost 6 months ago now and 1) I still can't believe he's really gone and 2) she wants to give up and go to Heaven to be with him. We thought telling her about the baby really early would give her something positive to hold on to, something she could envision wanting to live for, but honestly, it hasn't done that. Most of the time, she doesn't think about it. She never asks my mom about it, or how I'm doing. Over the past month, I've gone from calling her every day to calling every few days because most of the time she is so depressed, self-absorbed and flat-toned, it upsets me to the point of tears. I have no idea where my grandma has gone, but I sure wish she'd come back...

I've lost 3 grandparents in 9 years: Grandpa Vern the first two months of my freshman year of college; Grandma Lorraine the day after my 23rd birthday in 2007; and Grandpa Harry 5 1/2 short months ago. They were so very special to me. Being an only child, I enjoyed a very close relationship with each of my grandparents, and as the years roll by, I'm finding that I miss them more and more. Every single one of them would have been ecstatic to see their great-grandchild. It makes me so very sad that my one remaining grandparent doesn't even seem to care, or register that it's even happening. And I know it's not her fault, but it still hurts, and I know it hurts my mom, too. Essentially, she's really lost both of her parents and I've lost my one grandparent still with us here on Earth.

But, that being said, I know without a shadow of a doubt, that my beloved grandparents are partially to thank for the blessing that is growing inside of me. Along with Jason's sweet Grandma, I know they had a hand in picking out the beautiful soul that would become our child. I knew the timing had to be right, and when my Grandpa Harry went to Heaven in April, I knew he'd join the ranks of people looking down on us with love from above, and that maybe together, they would find the baby we'd been wishing for and help him/her find their way to us.

And seemingly, they have.

So happy birthday, Grandpa! Your Lissa loves you so very much and misses you every day. I wish you all could see how happy we are, and I wish you could meet your great-grandchild when he/she is born in May, but I'm thinking you do and you already have, and that makes me smile.