And now, we hope, pray...and wait

All went well. J's sample was even better than the last few IUI's by 15 million! We have opted to not get my blood drawn on CD 21 to check my progesterone level. It was solid last time and the doctor really didn't think it would be necessary to check the level this time, as it really only checks for proof of ovulation and by that point, what does it matter? If for some odd reason the HCG shot didn't work, there's nothing that can be done to correct it at that point in my cycle. Also, it costs us over $100 to get same-day results and it's just not necessary. We'll just have to trust that I ovulated (which will be hard for me, but I suppose it'll be an exercise in faith) and then wait until I can test...or until my period arrives, whichever comes first.

I'm trying, really trying, to not think too much about this cycle, to not have expectations that far exceed reality and to just have confidence in my body, confidence in my doctor, and trust that whatever is meant to happen will indeed happen. But, it's so very hard. If this cycle fails, we are left with IVF, and that is something we never thought we'd have to face. Or rather, something we hoped we'd never have to face. It takes daily effort to remain optimistic and to not fall prey to my own negative thoughts and emotions about where we are. Much of the time, I am at peace but there are moments when the uncertainty of it all is overwhelming and I feel so alone, even with our wonderful support network, as so many of our friends have children and we still do not. I cannot fathom entering into 2013 without knowing when we'll become parents, or how. So, as brave as I try to be, I'm still scared, and still hurting. But, truthfully, I am so thankful to be so busy with other things as we prepare for our big move. It helps to have other things to focus my energy on, and to have something positive to prepare for. 

I thank you for your thoughts, for your prayers, for following along on our journey, and for commenting when you have the time. We truly appreciate your support, and I know I say that often, but it's true, so I keep saying it because I never want you to forget it. Thank you.