Say a little prayer for me

I have an ultrasound tomorrow morning at 8am to check and see if I'm producing eggs on my own during this "natural" cycle. Tomorrow will be day 13 and that's usually when I go in to track my egg size progress. This part is actually very interesting because usually, on day 13, I get to see how many eggs of potentially viable size are on each ovary (usually one or two) and how big they are. Last month, I had no eggs on the right and two on the left: one egg was 14mm and the other was 16. They grow approximately one millimeter a day until ovulation and I have been ovulating on day 16, so last cycle (by ovulation day) I had one that was 17mm and one that was 19mm, give or take. "Viable" is anywhere between 18 and 22mm. I also took a trigger shot last cycle which is 10,000cc of the hormone HCG which is the hormone that triggers ovulation...hence the name trigger shot. The only down side to taking the shot is that it's A LOT of hormone so it's hard to distinguish if you're feeling real pregnancy symptoms during the famous 2-week waiting period (the fun time when you're awaiting your cycle but are hoping to not get it), or just symptoms brought on by the overload of hormone...in my case, it was hormone overload.

Tomorrow's appointment has extra significance because I'll find out IF I'm producing eggs on my own, and IF they're of viable size. Up until this point they've only been tracking my egg production while on Clomid, which helps your body produce eggs of a viable size. Even with Clomid, I've been producing eggs that are on the small end of the "viable" size spectrum so I'm very curious (and a bit scared/anxious) to see what's happening in there. I have had some pains in my ovaries over the past few days which normally means I'm growing eggs and getting ready for ovulation, but who knows. At this point in the game, I feel like I'm looking for any twinge or oddity to tell me something when maybe there really isn't anything to tell. So I'm REALLY hoping tomorrow has some good news for me.

If I am growing eggs on my own this cycle, I will be doing the trigger shot again because with the shot, I can guarantee ovulation. In addition, I can figure out an approximate time frame in which ovulation will occur. After the shot, I will ovulate within 36 hours. For someone who has fertility issues, you can imagine how valuable the knowledge that an egg will be making it's journey down the tube is. It has a lot to do with peace of mind, although we did experience a bit of pressure last month. An egg is only good for 12 hours after it's released from the ovary. KNOWING it's happening and KNOWING you only have approximately 36 hours to do your "business" is incredibly stressful. This whole experience all on it's own is incredibly stressful so you can imagine how one more added stress (especially one that either makes or breaks your success for the cycle) can really add some weight.

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. Please hope that I'm making eggs and that this cycle will be the one for us. We're so tired of thinking about all of this, and are so looking forward to being parents...so much that it hurts. The fear is starting to creep in that this will be a lot longer, more strenuous of a journey that either one of us had ever anticipated. So please put in an extra good word for us when you say your goodnight's. We need all the prayers we can get.