Wednesday, June 8, 2011

The Pink

I should know better. I've had practice at being disappointed, so I should know better to pay attention to symptoms or let myself believe that this could possibly be our month. THE month. I should know better and yet, I just can't seem to stop hoping. Praying for something wonderful to happen. Praying that our prayers are answered, and for this nightmare to come to an end.

How many more times will I cry over my friend's baby's photos? How many more times will I see a pregnant woman and wish it were me? How many more times will I go over baby names in my head, and then push them aside because I know deep down I won't need to worry about that yet? How many more times will I cry myself to sleep because this month wasn't THE month? How many more times will I have to reach down within myself and summon the strength to do this, all of this, again? How many more times will I get down on my hands and knees and pray to God and every relative I have in Heaven to please, please bless us with a child? How many more times?

I am tired. I am sad. There is pink on the toilet paper, and all I want to do is cry. So I will.
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8 comments:

  1. SLES75June 9, 2011 at 2:54 AM

    Cry away, but don't lose hope! It's all we have!!! I'm keeping you in my prayers! (((hugs)))

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  2. Justine LJune 9, 2011 at 4:29 AM

    Oh, Melissa, I'm so sorry ... :( *hugs*

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  3. KeikoJune 9, 2011 at 9:32 AM

    Oh hun I'm so sorry. This post just touched me so deeply. Thinking of you.

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  4. AnonymousJune 9, 2011 at 2:05 PM

    Oh Precious! My heart is hurting!
    Mom

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  5. good+growingJune 10, 2011 at 12:39 PM

    You are going to get through this. You have gotten through worse times, and they will make the end result all the sweeter, however and whenever it happens for you. But don't forget - it WILL happen. You are strong. Missing you especially these days. xoxo

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  6. MNJune 10, 2011 at 10:48 PM

    Thank you for the support. I wish...things were different. I saw this quote today and I thought it was especially appropriate: "I'm not telling you it is going to be easy, I'm telling you it's going to be worth it." Our baby will be more than worth the wait.

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  7. SilverJune 13, 2011 at 2:12 PM

    I'm so sorry you're feeling sad. It's really tough, but hang on in there because it CAN happen. Wanted to say thanks for your lovely comment on my blog, but couldn't find an email link so am saying it here - thank you! I can say from experience that it DOES get better, whatever happens - by the time we did the cycle that resulted in our son, we were at peace with the thought that we wouldn't have a child (ironic, eh?!). Obviously, we are delighted to have our wee boy, but I know that we would have been fine if we hadn't.

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  8. JustHeatherJune 18, 2011 at 7:35 AM

    *big hugs*
    I found you via Stirrup Queens' 345th Friday Blog Roundup. This so could be my writing and exactly what I was thinking today. I'm so sorry this is so difficult for you too.

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