I put a call in to Dr. Surrey's office today to see about getting in to meet with him soon, mainly in regards to my late LATE cycle. When I was super late in December of 2008, they gave me a dose of provera to stimulate a cycle so I'm hoping they can do that again, but since it's been so long since I've seen him (and so much has changed with me medically) I have to do a full consult again. Which is what I was hoping to avoid, mostly due to the cost, but I need to do what I have to do I suppose. Surprisingly, they had a cancellation this week so I am going in to their Beverly Hills office (so very Hollywood of me) at 11:15am on Wednesday. I have no idea what we'll cover in the consult (probably scare him with my surgeries haha), but I'm hoping he'll do an ultrasound to get an idea of what my little ovaries are up to these days. I've been having centralized pain on my right side today so I'm thinking there might be a chance of an enlarged cyst again, as that happened one other time last year (the pain is the same as it was then) which is another reason why I'd like him to do an ultrasound. If there is a cyst, that would be an explanation of why my period is so late, since fluid filled cysts are full of estrogen and mess with cycle lengths.
We're really interested in what he has to say, looking at where we are now and how he thinks it would be best to proceed given my current situation. I am really hoping my heart surgery and pacemaker implant do not scare him away from working with me, although I know I'm a risk of sorts. I just keep telling myself they work with complicated cases all the time, it's part of being an infertility specialist: helping people with complications achieve pregnancy. So we shall see. At least it's a start!
And I really, really hope to have a cycle soon. I think it's been over 80 days now. Ugh.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Ready to begin again...maybe? Maybe.
And here we are again. Back to the basics, back to square one, back where we started, whatever you want to call it...we're there. We have started talking about "it" again. "It" being the all elusive topic of baby making. Having just celebrated my one year surgiversary (Oct. 29 marked one year since my open heart adventure), it's a big step. At my last pacemaker check up (oh yea, I had a pacemaker implanted on June 3 of this year, FYI...long story, I'm ok now, living for today and tomorrow not yesterday, etc) I asked whether or not, in their professional opinion, I would be ok to start up on the baby making road again, and they, being so witty, said, "well let's put it this way: you're a hell of a lot better off today than you were a year ago," and I said, "so...yes?" and they said, "yes." So. There you have it.
Our want to have a baby certainly has not diminished by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, as you might expect, it's grown. And it continues to grow, each and every day. But here's the fly in the baby butt paste: Jason's back in school (hooray, he's very happy) and I'm unemployed (boo, I'm very not happy). So where does that leave us? Stuck. Stuck is where that leaves us. We are very much stuck in a conundrum of a situation. And let me lay it out for you, to make it all the more clear.
I have been told, over and over, that parents are blessed with children when they are "ready." If I didn't force myself to believe this, I would be gaga by now. "Ready" is not for us to decide and is highly open to interpretation- I thought I was ready 2 years ago, and if I had gotten my wish, I could have died. So, we must trust that things happen for a reason, and we are given children when we are indeed, truly ready, regardless of what we may think. Many a baby has been born into the likes of our current situation. Do we have a lot of money coming in? That would be a big fat negative. Do we have money saved? That would be a big fat YES. We saved for a rainy day. We saved for the possibility that I would need to do IUI again, or would need to try IVF. We were hoping to use some of the savings on a down payment for a home, but that may not be happening now for a few more years until we settle somewhere more permanent.
Which leads me to the next part of the equation: Jason is hoping to pursue his doctorate after completing the Master's program at Redlands. Which means, dear friends, that we will be moving, yet again, in the next 1.5 - 2 years. To where, you might ask? Out of state, would be my reply. And that's a bummer, for a few reasons, but believe it or not, it is also a plus. Biggest con: far away...from everybody we care about. Biggest pro: most states are more affordable than CA so our money will go further, especially on a home. So although we will be moving away from those we love, we will be able, most likely, to afford to put down some roots.
Now, being far away is also a con because I will also be far away from UCLA medical center, where I have had all of my surgical procedures, and where they have requested I return to have some monitoring done when I am pregnant, and where I would WANT to go to have monitoring done while pregnant. So this is another piece of my conundrum: do we wait to try for a baby until we're more financially secure, even if that means we're far away from family, friends and my doctors? Would that be a smart idea? I definitely don't like the idea very much myself, as I had always hoped, as most girls do, to be around my mom when pregnant (at least in the same state, for goodness sakes), and near my friends who have had children and can give me support and guidance.
And then there's the age-old question: is there ever a perfect time to have a baby? If we wait for all the pieces to come together, to make sense, to be "right", will we ever be parents? Jason has at least 5 years of school ahead of him, and I have ovaries that are not getting any better with age. Do we face some financial hurdles? Yep. Do we have so much love to give to a child that we can hardly stand it? YEP.
So here's where we think we stand: we wait out the rest of the year and begin again in the late winter/early spring. We play it safe, give my heart a few more months to heal, talk to some doctors, get me employed, and see where we are. I haven't had a period in over 2 months (and no, I am not pregnant, much to my annoyance, heartache and chagrin), so I know my PCOS is rearing it's ugly head again and I will most likely need some help getting pregnant (or at least some help regulating my cycles again) as we had thought and planned for. We are thinking, however, that in the beginning we might start trying again on our own without meds or intervention, just to see how it goes, give my body a chance to do it's thing, regardless of the wonky cycles, and see what happens. You never know, right? Miracles can (and do!) happen...
I know there is concern about my health: will I be able to carry a baby? Will my heart be able to handle the stress? And I know the concern comes from a loving place. The truth is, I don't know. I hope so, but I don't know. But I do know that we have been responsible from day one, discussing every angle, trying to do what's best. And I also know that in the end, it is our decision. My grandparents were born when their parents couldn't really afford them, as were my parents, and I, too, was born during financially difficult times for my mom and dad. Was it hard? Yes. Did they figure it out? Yes. Do they for one moment regret having me, even if times were tough? No, not for a second. I have learned that we are not guaranteed tomorrow. We want a family and the reality of the situation is that we may not be settled, financially or physically, for years to come, and we are not willing to wait until it's possibly too late to have children, regardless of what our checking account or savings account statements say. We only have one life. I am on the road to feeling like myself again. Despite being low on funds, we are happy and very much in love. That being said, I think maybe, just maybe, that it is time.
Our want to have a baby certainly has not diminished by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, as you might expect, it's grown. And it continues to grow, each and every day. But here's the fly in the baby butt paste: Jason's back in school (hooray, he's very happy) and I'm unemployed (boo, I'm very not happy). So where does that leave us? Stuck. Stuck is where that leaves us. We are very much stuck in a conundrum of a situation. And let me lay it out for you, to make it all the more clear.
I have been told, over and over, that parents are blessed with children when they are "ready." If I didn't force myself to believe this, I would be gaga by now. "Ready" is not for us to decide and is highly open to interpretation- I thought I was ready 2 years ago, and if I had gotten my wish, I could have died. So, we must trust that things happen for a reason, and we are given children when we are indeed, truly ready, regardless of what we may think. Many a baby has been born into the likes of our current situation. Do we have a lot of money coming in? That would be a big fat negative. Do we have money saved? That would be a big fat YES. We saved for a rainy day. We saved for the possibility that I would need to do IUI again, or would need to try IVF. We were hoping to use some of the savings on a down payment for a home, but that may not be happening now for a few more years until we settle somewhere more permanent.
Which leads me to the next part of the equation: Jason is hoping to pursue his doctorate after completing the Master's program at Redlands. Which means, dear friends, that we will be moving, yet again, in the next 1.5 - 2 years. To where, you might ask? Out of state, would be my reply. And that's a bummer, for a few reasons, but believe it or not, it is also a plus. Biggest con: far away...from everybody we care about. Biggest pro: most states are more affordable than CA so our money will go further, especially on a home. So although we will be moving away from those we love, we will be able, most likely, to afford to put down some roots.
Now, being far away is also a con because I will also be far away from UCLA medical center, where I have had all of my surgical procedures, and where they have requested I return to have some monitoring done when I am pregnant, and where I would WANT to go to have monitoring done while pregnant. So this is another piece of my conundrum: do we wait to try for a baby until we're more financially secure, even if that means we're far away from family, friends and my doctors? Would that be a smart idea? I definitely don't like the idea very much myself, as I had always hoped, as most girls do, to be around my mom when pregnant (at least in the same state, for goodness sakes), and near my friends who have had children and can give me support and guidance.
And then there's the age-old question: is there ever a perfect time to have a baby? If we wait for all the pieces to come together, to make sense, to be "right", will we ever be parents? Jason has at least 5 years of school ahead of him, and I have ovaries that are not getting any better with age. Do we face some financial hurdles? Yep. Do we have so much love to give to a child that we can hardly stand it? YEP.
So here's where we think we stand: we wait out the rest of the year and begin again in the late winter/early spring. We play it safe, give my heart a few more months to heal, talk to some doctors, get me employed, and see where we are. I haven't had a period in over 2 months (and no, I am not pregnant, much to my annoyance, heartache and chagrin), so I know my PCOS is rearing it's ugly head again and I will most likely need some help getting pregnant (or at least some help regulating my cycles again) as we had thought and planned for. We are thinking, however, that in the beginning we might start trying again on our own without meds or intervention, just to see how it goes, give my body a chance to do it's thing, regardless of the wonky cycles, and see what happens. You never know, right? Miracles can (and do!) happen...
I know there is concern about my health: will I be able to carry a baby? Will my heart be able to handle the stress? And I know the concern comes from a loving place. The truth is, I don't know. I hope so, but I don't know. But I do know that we have been responsible from day one, discussing every angle, trying to do what's best. And I also know that in the end, it is our decision. My grandparents were born when their parents couldn't really afford them, as were my parents, and I, too, was born during financially difficult times for my mom and dad. Was it hard? Yes. Did they figure it out? Yes. Do they for one moment regret having me, even if times were tough? No, not for a second. I have learned that we are not guaranteed tomorrow. We want a family and the reality of the situation is that we may not be settled, financially or physically, for years to come, and we are not willing to wait until it's possibly too late to have children, regardless of what our checking account or savings account statements say. We only have one life. I am on the road to feeling like myself again. Despite being low on funds, we are happy and very much in love. That being said, I think maybe, just maybe, that it is time.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Two year mark
This month marks the end of the second year we've been trying for a baby, although I'm not sure the last four months have actually counted since we had to stop trying once we found out about my needing heart surgery and then going through that whole ordeal. I haven't posted anything on here since October 1, but basically I had my surgery on Oct. 29 and have been recovering ever since. I return to work next Monday, January 18th. According to the doctors, we can start trying for a baby again in May, although it also depends on how my heart looks and how I feel at that time. I am getting stronger and have really started feeling a lot better this last week so we'll see how I am doing as we approach that time frame.
2009 was THE most challenging year of our lives thus far, hands down. That being said, I am so glad 2010 is here and hope it has good things in store for us. I have come to accept that although difficult to swallow, it is best that I didn't get pregnant all those months, as the result could have been catastrophic...although that realization doesn't mean it was any less painful to go through or that we aren't struggling with it. Now that my heart is fixed and I'm on my way to being healthy, maybe we'll have better luck. So many people, including the doctors, have said that we may conceive easier now that my blood flow is as it should be, although I've decided to be cautiously optimistic about that - I don't want to get my hopes up that things are going to be easier when they may in fact not be. I haven't started up my metformin again since the surgery, so my cycles might be wonky for awhile but I'm thinking of starting up on those meds again in February or March. I've been postponing starting up again because they make me feel so sick at first, and I want to make sure my heart is doing better before I throw another curve ball into the mix. I needed to give myself a break. Recovering from open heart surgery has been so hard, for more reasons than one, and I definitely don't need to feel nauseous on top of everything else. So we'll see. Maybe starting and stopping my heart reset my system and I won't need to take the metformin anymore to regulate my cycles, like rebooting a computer! Wouldn't that be nice! Haha, nice, I just likened myself to a computer.
Anyway, that's where we are. As I've been saying these last few months, we're just taking it one day at a time. The good news is, in some ways, we're starting over. The bad news is, in some ways we're starting over. Medically speaking, this is a new beginning but we certainly haven't forgotten the hardships, anxiety and pain of the last two years. Like I said, we're taking it one day at a time.
Stay tuned...
2009 was THE most challenging year of our lives thus far, hands down. That being said, I am so glad 2010 is here and hope it has good things in store for us. I have come to accept that although difficult to swallow, it is best that I didn't get pregnant all those months, as the result could have been catastrophic...although that realization doesn't mean it was any less painful to go through or that we aren't struggling with it. Now that my heart is fixed and I'm on my way to being healthy, maybe we'll have better luck. So many people, including the doctors, have said that we may conceive easier now that my blood flow is as it should be, although I've decided to be cautiously optimistic about that - I don't want to get my hopes up that things are going to be easier when they may in fact not be. I haven't started up my metformin again since the surgery, so my cycles might be wonky for awhile but I'm thinking of starting up on those meds again in February or March. I've been postponing starting up again because they make me feel so sick at first, and I want to make sure my heart is doing better before I throw another curve ball into the mix. I needed to give myself a break. Recovering from open heart surgery has been so hard, for more reasons than one, and I definitely don't need to feel nauseous on top of everything else. So we'll see. Maybe starting and stopping my heart reset my system and I won't need to take the metformin anymore to regulate my cycles, like rebooting a computer! Wouldn't that be nice! Haha, nice, I just likened myself to a computer.
Anyway, that's where we are. As I've been saying these last few months, we're just taking it one day at a time. The good news is, in some ways, we're starting over. The bad news is, in some ways we're starting over. Medically speaking, this is a new beginning but we certainly haven't forgotten the hardships, anxiety and pain of the last two years. Like I said, we're taking it one day at a time.
Stay tuned...
Thursday, October 1, 2009
What do you put as a title for a post like this?
Although the procedure itself went ok this morning, I found out some really hard news. I need open heart surgery. I will be put on a bypass and they'll stop my heart so they can remove scar tissue that is building up on the right side of my heart and blocking blood flow to a main valve. The VSD that I've had since birth has apparently closed, but the damage it did to my heart needs to be surgically removed. The doctor at UCLA said it was actually a blessing I haven't gotten pregnant so far, because the extra stress put on the heart caused by pregnancy could have given me a heart attack or stroke.
Seeing as though I'm crying as I'm typing this post, I'd say I'm not handling it well at all. I will be off of work for 6-8 weeks and the surgery will be taking place at the end of this month or the beginning of next, depending on the surgeon's availability. I am absolutely terrified, to the point where I simply cannot put my terror into words.
I don't know what else to say.
Although the procedure itself went ok this morning, I found out some really hard news. I need open heart surgery. I will be put on a bypass and they'll stop my heart so they can remove scar tissue that is building up on the right side of my heart and blocking blood flow to a main valve. The VSD that I've had since birth has apparently closed, but the damage it did to my heart needs to be surgically removed. The doctor at UCLA said it was actually a blessing I haven't gotten pregnant so far, because the extra stress put on the heart caused by pregnancy could have given me a heart attack or stroke.
Seeing as though I'm crying as I'm typing this post, I'd say I'm not handling it well at all. I will be off of work for 6-8 weeks and the surgery will be taking place at the end of this month or the beginning of next, depending on the surgeon's availability. I am absolutely terrified, to the point where I simply cannot put my terror into words.
I don't know what else to say.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Nervous Nellie
My heart appointment is on Thursday (Oct. 1) and I'm very nervous, anxious, scared, you name it. I know it's something I need to do but I'm scared about what they're going to find, about what's going to need to happen and how the procedure will feel. I've never had a tube stuck down my throat before (although I'm willing to bet I'm in the majority there) and I'm sensitive to meds and they're giving me a valium IV.
So please, once again, please keep me in your thoughts. I need to get through this so we can find out what (if anything) we're dealing with so we can move on. I want a baby more than ever and this is just one more hurdle, one more step in the right direction, but I'm scared...and I want everything to be alright. I've kind of forgotten what it's like to have a day where I don't worry about something big. The last 19 months of my life have been so full of anxiety and stress and I just really need this to be ok. I need to be ok.
Thank you for your support and prayers. It all means so much.
So please, once again, please keep me in your thoughts. I need to get through this so we can find out what (if anything) we're dealing with so we can move on. I want a baby more than ever and this is just one more hurdle, one more step in the right direction, but I'm scared...and I want everything to be alright. I've kind of forgotten what it's like to have a day where I don't worry about something big. The last 19 months of my life have been so full of anxiety and stress and I just really need this to be ok. I need to be ok.
Thank you for your support and prayers. It all means so much.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Another mountain to move
If you've been wondering where I've been these last two weeks, fasten your seatbelts. Although initially it seemed like things were progressing nicely, my five little eggies did not develop...at all. It also seemed as though I was not going to have any adverse effects with the new drug. LIE. I have had an irregular heart beat/heart palpitations all day, every day for 2-weeks and counting. It's not like it occurs every few hours, or even every few minutes. It's every few seconds, all day, for two weeks. No joke.
Now, to some of you this might just seem like an annoyance. And yes, yes it certainly is. But others of you know that I have a less common than most heart murmur and have to keep an eye on it every year or so with an EKG. I was born with it, but it's something, now that I'm an adult, that I have to watch out for and take care of by being proactive and staying healthy. One side of my heart is also bigger than the other, which is not explained away by the murmur, so I've been keeping an eye on it for the past nearly 2 years. So, you can see why the irregularity of my heart beat and rate would make me concerned. I have had to keep in touch with UCLA's congenital heart defect center during this whole process and actually had to present the fertility clinic with a letter from my cardiologist stating that I was fit to carry a child before beginning treatment, so now that I'm taking fertility drugs that are affecting my heart, I'm going in for another assessment at UCLA on September 30. I am going to have a procedure done (under conscious sedation, which seems like an oxymoron to me but whatever) where they put a tube down my throat with a camera on it and take pictures of my heart in action. We'll know more then.
In the mean time, it's been a two week roller coaster of emotion, something I should be used to by now but am not. We have decided to postpone all fertility procedures and ventures until I find out what's going on with my heart. This might sound all very matter of fact, but in all honesty, I'm petrified. I'm feeling very overwhelmed with anxiety, worry and apprehension, and again, it's another something I can't control. I have not felt "good" for almost a year now, with all of the meds and the emotional stress. So, I am coming to you all once again for a different kind of prayer proposal, this time for me and my overall health. Please keep me in your thoughts. This has been a really hard time for us and for me, and I'm finding that I'm wavering in strength more and more. Thank GOD for my wonderful husband, Jason and his undying support and strength. He has held me up and helped me move forward, being strong for us both when I couldn't be. He has remained focused on the positives when I could only see the negatives. What a blessing he is!! Below is a song that I have held close these past few days. I heard it on the radio and have felt a special connection to it ever since.
When You Believe
Duet by Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey
Many nights we've prayed
With no proof anyone could hear
In our hearts a hopeful song
We barely understood
Now we are not afraid
Although we know there's much to fear
We were moving mountains long
Before we knew we could
There can be miracles, when you believe
Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill
Who knows what miracles you can achieve
When you believe, somehow you will
You will when you believe
In this time of fear
When prayers so often prove(s) in vain
Hope seems like the summer birds
Too swiftly flown away
Yet now I'm standing here
My heart's so full I can't explain
Seeking faith and speaking words
I never thought I'd say
There can be miracles, when you believe
Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill
Who knows what miracles you can achieve
When you believe, somehow you will
You will when you believe
They don't (always happen) when you ask
And it's easy to give in to your fears
But when you're blinded by your pain
Can't see your way straight through the rain
(A small but )still resilient voice
Says (hope is very near)
There can be miracles
(Miracles)
When you believe
(Lord, when you believe)
Though hope is frail
(Though hope is frail)
It's hard to kill
Who knows what miracles,you can achieve
When you believe, somehow you will (somehow,somehow, somehow)
somehow you will
You will when you believe
You will when you
You will when you believe
Just believe...in your heart
Just believe
You will when you believe~
Now, to some of you this might just seem like an annoyance. And yes, yes it certainly is. But others of you know that I have a less common than most heart murmur and have to keep an eye on it every year or so with an EKG. I was born with it, but it's something, now that I'm an adult, that I have to watch out for and take care of by being proactive and staying healthy. One side of my heart is also bigger than the other, which is not explained away by the murmur, so I've been keeping an eye on it for the past nearly 2 years. So, you can see why the irregularity of my heart beat and rate would make me concerned. I have had to keep in touch with UCLA's congenital heart defect center during this whole process and actually had to present the fertility clinic with a letter from my cardiologist stating that I was fit to carry a child before beginning treatment, so now that I'm taking fertility drugs that are affecting my heart, I'm going in for another assessment at UCLA on September 30. I am going to have a procedure done (under conscious sedation, which seems like an oxymoron to me but whatever) where they put a tube down my throat with a camera on it and take pictures of my heart in action. We'll know more then.
In the mean time, it's been a two week roller coaster of emotion, something I should be used to by now but am not. We have decided to postpone all fertility procedures and ventures until I find out what's going on with my heart. This might sound all very matter of fact, but in all honesty, I'm petrified. I'm feeling very overwhelmed with anxiety, worry and apprehension, and again, it's another something I can't control. I have not felt "good" for almost a year now, with all of the meds and the emotional stress. So, I am coming to you all once again for a different kind of prayer proposal, this time for me and my overall health. Please keep me in your thoughts. This has been a really hard time for us and for me, and I'm finding that I'm wavering in strength more and more. Thank GOD for my wonderful husband, Jason and his undying support and strength. He has held me up and helped me move forward, being strong for us both when I couldn't be. He has remained focused on the positives when I could only see the negatives. What a blessing he is!! Below is a song that I have held close these past few days. I heard it on the radio and have felt a special connection to it ever since.
When You Believe
Duet by Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey
Many nights we've prayed
With no proof anyone could hear
In our hearts a hopeful song
We barely understood
Now we are not afraid
Although we know there's much to fear
We were moving mountains long
Before we knew we could
There can be miracles, when you believe
Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill
Who knows what miracles you can achieve
When you believe, somehow you will
You will when you believe
In this time of fear
When prayers so often prove(s) in vain
Hope seems like the summer birds
Too swiftly flown away
Yet now I'm standing here
My heart's so full I can't explain
Seeking faith and speaking words
I never thought I'd say
There can be miracles, when you believe
Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill
Who knows what miracles you can achieve
When you believe, somehow you will
You will when you believe
They don't (always happen) when you ask
And it's easy to give in to your fears
But when you're blinded by your pain
Can't see your way straight through the rain
(A small but )still resilient voice
Says (hope is very near)
There can be miracles
(Miracles)
When you believe
(Lord, when you believe)
Though hope is frail
(Though hope is frail)
It's hard to kill
Who knows what miracles,you can achieve
When you believe, somehow you will (somehow,somehow, somehow)
somehow you will
You will when you believe
You will when you
You will when you believe
Just believe...in your heart
Just believe
You will when you believe~
Friday, September 4, 2009
5 little eggies
My cousin "wrote" me a song yesterday. It goes (sung to the tune of "one little, two little, three little Indians"):
One little, two little, three little eggies,
four little, five little, six little eggies,
seven little, eight little, nine little eggies,
ten little eggies for Melissa!
Well, I had my follow-up ultrasound today and found out that I am growing 5 little eggies! There actually could be one or two more if some smaller follicles end up catching up in size but for now, it's looking like there will be 5. Of course, some of those 5 could end up NOT growing to the desired size so that's always a possibility too but for now, we're hoping for the 5. I know that seems like a lot, but women with PCOS don't always make "good eggs" so when the number is higher like that, there is a better chance of one of them being a "good egg." I had 4 eggies last time and none of them fertilized so five is not really pushing the envelope. I go in for my next ultrasound next Tuesday (cycle day 14) to track their growth so I'll have a better idea at that time of how many we'll actually be dealing with. In the mean time, let's hope they continue to grow and let's hope and PRAY that this is the month!!!
One little, two little, three little eggies,
four little, five little, six little eggies,
seven little, eight little, nine little eggies,
ten little eggies for Melissa!
Well, I had my follow-up ultrasound today and found out that I am growing 5 little eggies! There actually could be one or two more if some smaller follicles end up catching up in size but for now, it's looking like there will be 5. Of course, some of those 5 could end up NOT growing to the desired size so that's always a possibility too but for now, we're hoping for the 5. I know that seems like a lot, but women with PCOS don't always make "good eggs" so when the number is higher like that, there is a better chance of one of them being a "good egg." I had 4 eggies last time and none of them fertilized so five is not really pushing the envelope. I go in for my next ultrasound next Tuesday (cycle day 14) to track their growth so I'll have a better idea at that time of how many we'll actually be dealing with. In the mean time, let's hope they continue to grow and let's hope and PRAY that this is the month!!!
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