Hey, crazy, it's me, Melissa

I feel crazy. I feel like I'm not going to make it through this 2ww. Today is 6 dpo. I have some very slight what-might-be-characterized-as-symptoms symptoms. But in my heart of hearts, I know it's truly too early to be feeling anything definitive at all, too early for any throwing up to occur, or strange "well now, this is different" type of symptoms.

I have one friend who, with both of her pregnancies, knew she was pregnant before she took a test because she couldn't stomach drinking water. It would make her sick. Can't I have a moment like that? My cousin said that with our Godson, she felt like she was going to get the biggest period of her life, but never did --- she was really pregnant. Will that be what I feel like? My mom, when pregnant with me, didn't know she was pregnant until she was nearly through her first trimester --- she and my dad had been trying for 7 yrs and her crazy cycles, the multiple miscarriages and the full term stillborn kept her from believing anything wonderful would ever happen. But it did. I happened. --- but she didn't feel any different, she says she felt absolutely nothing that would indicate she was pregnant.

I know there is no real answer for me, no golden sign that is going to drop out of the sky and land in my lap to ease my uncertain feelings until this wait is over. But, I keep hoping and praying for an unambiguous sign --- something that just screams "you're pregnant and there's nothing else this could be." Problem is, there is no such thing, accept for a positive pregnancy test or beta, neither of which I can take yet because it's too early.

What if it's negative again? What if our perfect golden egg didn't mix with the stellar sperm and it's another failure? The heartache is always too much to bear, and yet, we've faced it over and over and over again.

I'm so afraid.