Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Another lone egg

I had my ultrasound today and I have one egg on the right ovary that will reach maturity (it is 15mm as of this morning and will reach the target 18-22mm by Friday). Quite a few smaller ones on my left ovary, but they won't get big enough in time. I am frustrated. I am disappointed and disheartened. Yes, I know we got pregnant last time with just one egg but I think know we were lucky. The odds aren't so great with just one. And look how great that one turned out. It's upsetting that I am taking 5mg of Femara, which I believe is the highest dose I can take, and I'm only getting one egg. ONE. I don't ovulate on my own, nor do I produce eggs of mature quality on my own so I am dependent on medication that only ends up giving me one lousy egg.

Anyway. I trigger tomorrow night at 8pm (which I'm worrying about because what if my egg releases mid-day on Thursday and it's no good by the time I get my IUI Friday morning??) and then the IUI is Friday morning around 9am. I am taking the day off so I will be free to lounge about and keep my tootsies elevated.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel like this cycle is doomed before we even try and that's not a healthy outlook. I went from looking at our Golden Egg last August with rose colored glasses on to looking at this lone egg today and not being satisfied. The experiences were much the same: one egg. I got pregnant on the one egg. I should be happy we have an egg at all. But I'm not because I know that eggs produced by women with PCOS aren't always good eggs. They're oftentimes bad. And if we had more than one egg to release for our IUI, I'd feel like our odds were better. I feel defeated and crushed and I don't like that because it's not even giving this little eggie a chance to prove me wrong. And it's not fair to my hubs to go in to this procedure all doom and gloom.

How do I change this outlook? I think our miscarriage has further jaded me - I don't see how it could not be a factor in my negative thinking right now. I need help getting into a positive mindset before Friday....
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2 comments:

  1. CathyFebruary 21, 2012 at 9:36 PM

    I completely understand how you feel like this. I would be afraid to give in to the hope that this egg could be THE egg and then be crushed again if it's not. But the fact is, you are in the same situation this time as you were in August. Only this time, you know that you CAN get pregnant. Focus on the positives. Allow a bit of hope to shine. Go in there and shower that egg with the Super Seed (we should get that on a shirt for Jason) and come out with at least the hint of a smile. And if you really can't find the hope in you this time, I'll just be sure to do it enough for you.

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  2. LisaB/lisabttcFebruary 22, 2012 at 2:46 AM

    I understand. I often feel that way, too. I've been doing Femara and only getting one egg as well. They have told me that it's a better quality egg though. Typically you won't ovulate before 36 hrs post trigger, but if you BD the night of the trigger, that should help if the egg releases early. I'll be hoping and praying for you! I know it's hard to stay positive when you've had negative experiences. Try to hang in there. xo

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