New Beta - still not promising

My beta came back at 1300. It needed to over 1000 to still be considered "in the game." However, we are not out of the woods because that number does not jive with my first beta 2 weeks ago, which was 410. If that first number was accurate, my current beta should be much higher. So, I am beginning to wonder if that number was somehow inaccurate. I don't know how that would have happened or if maybe I'm just holding on to false hope, but it's the only other option we have right now other than something being wrong and I don't want to believe that, it hurts too much.

I am trying to get another blood test scheduled for Wednesday to see what direction we're heading in. Even if it's not enough time to double, it's enough time to show some movement one way or another, forward or back. If it increases at all, I'll have hope. If not, then we know what's to come.

I am so emotionally spent. I am trying my hardest to think of today's results as a positive thing, but it's honestly just neutral. It wasn't a horrible result, but it wasn't something that jived with my first beta. That number should be closer to 4k, not 1300. It's very possible that this pregnancy isn't viable, that maybe 4 days ago, my beta was 3000 and today it's 1300. We just have nothing to compare it to, just two numbers two weeks apart that don't match up.

We are scheduled to leave for Hawaii on Friday to meet our new niece. We were planning to tell Jason's family about our good news. I have a onesie with "I'm getting a cousin!" on it packed in my suitcase. We bought a baby name book on Saturday. I checked out pregnancy books from the library, which are stacked next to my nightstand. Our bathroom counter is lined with all 5 of my positive pregnancy tests to serve as a reminder because I've been so scared this whole time. And now this. What I've been fearing might actually come to pass. How can I go on this trip if it turns out I'm going to miscarry? Chances are, it'll happen while we're away and I can't imagine going through something so emotional and painful in a foreign environment, with a newborn baby in the next room, because we're staying with my brother and sister-in-law. If I can get my blood drawn again on Wednesday, and it shows promising increase, we'll still go. If it comes back less than 1300, we won't. I just can't. What if I miscarried on the plane? Six long hours of torture, physical and emotional. How would me miscarrying in Hawaii do anyone any good? They'd all feel bad, Jason and I would be miserable, and I'd feel guilty for essentially ruining the trip for all, even though it's outside of my control.

How did such a promising day, one that we have been looking forward to for two weeks three years turn in to this day from hell?? I just don't understand. After all I've been through, I still don't understand how life can turn on a dime...

Please God, please don't take this baby away from us. Keep it healthy and strong, and help me believe in miracles. We need a miracle. I'm not ready to say good-bye, especially since it was just two short weeks ago that we first said hello. I love you, Baby, and so does Daddy, so much. Don't go where we can't follow. You're meant to be here with us, please stay. Please.