So much

By and large, my blogging experience has been nothing but positive. The support and love I receive from complete strangers in addition to my family and friends is nothing short of amazing. I have a place to write: write about what I'm feeling, experiencing, doing, wishing, hoping. It's all documented, this entire journey, the good, the bad, the REALLY bad, and the downright ugly. A place I can just let it out, let the tears fall onto this cyber page in the form of words, for others to read, but mostly, for me. I need this space.

But there is a dark side to blogging about something so serious. I follow many blogs and we cheer each other on, my fellow bloggers and me. We're each other's cheering squad, and we pick each other up, dust one another off and give soft nudges back into the horrid game that is Infertility, because we can't give up - giving up means giving up our dreams of becoming parents, our dreams of holding our little ones in our arms. But it's so very hard to keep going...to watch everyone else keep plodding forward...cycle after cycle, month after endless month, year after year.

Lately, there has been so much sadness. Too much. Twins lost at 20 months, renewed hope raised against all odds only to be dashed for the 8th agonizing time, failed IVF cycles, failed IUI cycles, adoptions that have fallen through at the last minute. Why so much pain? Why must we endure such heartbreak, time and time again? It's gotten to the point where I'm almost afraid to check my bloglist. I read through my blogs and I'm driven to tears by the pain in the words I'm reading. Each sentence is dripping with angst, real honest-to-goodness misery brought on by our nemesis, Infertility. I'm sickened and saddened by the grief we're all suffering - and now that I've felt that deep cut of loss, I am not only sympathetic but empathetic as well. I've felt what they've felt, thought what they've thought, and feared what they've feared. To lose a baby is sheer hell. It truly is. And it's not fair. I keep thinking that all of this, all of the pain we've all endured, is just so unfair. 

So I'm sorry, dear blogger friends, as limp as that word "sorry" sometimes seems, for the pain you're all experiencing. I truly am. I know we all hear that word so often, but I want you to know that I do think of you all, and I do pray for your peace and for your prayers to be answered. Life isn't fair, I think we've all figured that one out by now, but by God is it ever a blessing, a blessing I sincerely hope you get to share with a family of your own one day, as you so deserve. 

Strength comes from within and you all have more strength than you realize, especially when being strong is the only option you have. We'll get through this together, one day at a time.